Progress

Here it is, the end of April – I figure this is a good time to do some reflection and think about how I’m doing with my 2017 goals. Each year I pick some area of my life to focus on and develop. This year I chose two things. One – I want to be more connected. Two – I want to be intentional about how I spend my time. These are just the goals. In order to achieve the first goal I started a book club and a blog. Each of these things gets me out of my little bubble and forces me to be more open and honest about my true self.

The second goal is an ongoing process which is always a challenge. If I had my way, I would read all day, alone in my own world. But, I have made some progress with this, and it is all because I am keeping myself in check. So many times, I am asked to go out for drinks or for lunch, and I automatically say no. It’s not that I don’t want to or that I don’t like the person who asked, it is just that I am programmed to choose to be alone. Normally, if I go, I have fun and enjoy myself. It’s that initial response that gets me in trouble. So, this year, I’m forcing myself to stop giving the programmed response and saying yes. (Mark is enjoying this year’s goal.)

I’m also forcing myself to express myself creatively. This doesn’t come natural so I have to set aside time and make myself do it and be ok with the result.  I’ve always wanted to do an art journal but I am such a perfectionist that I always put it off for another day. This month, I pulled out that empty journal that’s been in my drawer for years and opened it for the first time. It’s not perfect – put I made that first step! Here’s a couple of pages that I did.

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As much as I hate to admit it, I’m getting older, and there is so much I still haven’t done. Time is valuable. All those things that I have neglected to do will never happen unless I intentionally make them a priority. For instance, my health. I have spent the last several years being angry about my poor health. How stupid is that? That isn’t helping. So I have to work harder than some people to be fit  – so I can’t eat junk or drink sodas – so I have to go to the doctor more often – It’s a small price to pay to feel good and live longer. I’m not saying it’s easy; I fail almost daily. It’s a never-ending battle.

This month I’ve made a lot of progress. I think I’ve even surprised myself. I honestly wasn’t sure if I could do it. The things I’ve done may not seem like much, but it’s huge for me. I feel like I’m coming into myself; I’m actually proud of myself and who I am. It has taken me a while to accept this messy, imperfect self, but she’s not so bad.

I am actually looking forward to seeing what else I discover about myself in the next few months.

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